Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
