i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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