Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.