found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
