tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is Oprah even human
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
