You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
