Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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