Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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