shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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