I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All the doctor said was why
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
