I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this will be a night to untag.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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