I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
50% drunk capacity currently
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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