I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
