so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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