They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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