That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
