there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
