Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
