i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
