if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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