I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
