Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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