If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
