i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
