He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
