you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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