Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
