SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
