i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
