i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
