And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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