I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
