I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
