I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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