I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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