Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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