Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
