So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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