you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Even my vagina gasped.
3pm strippers are depressing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
