they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
