Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
