Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
