nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
