she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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