Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
