I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
