I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
