youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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