Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
there is glitter all over my balls
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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