He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
