You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
