i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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