i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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