Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
