i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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