WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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