You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
