What a fucking waste of an outfit
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
