If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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