Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
