; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
