Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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